Mike O’Quin | Faith Activators

How Curiosity Set the Cat Free

February 22, 2012 | by Mike O'Quin | Podcast | No Comments

In this audio podcast Paul Richardson and Mike O'Quin discuss how to rediscover one of the greatest joys and passions from our childhoods. Where did that sense of wonderment go? Is it time for your heart to go Easter Egg hunting again?

Click below to hear this conversation or subscribe to this free podcast by searching for "Faith Activators" on the iTunes store.

How Curiosity Set the Cat Free

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Soil on Steroids

January 11, 2012 | by Mike O'Quin | Articles, Mike | 1 Comment

One thing that continually amazes me, after calling Indonesia my home for the last 12 years, is how fertile the soil is on Java.

Fertile is actually an understatement. Active volcanoes pour their nutrient rich dust on the landscape year round and the rainy season drenches our island for about half the year, the result of which is dust and mud on the city streets and happy farmers in the rice paddies.

Other Asian countries get one or two rice growing seasons a year. Java gets three. No other place I know gets the benefit of so much equatorial sunshine, rain and minerals, the perfect recipe for wealthy and healthy soil.

The way farmers in villages make fences here (and I am not making this up) is to pound cut branches into the ground next to each other all down a row. Because of the unbelievably rich soil, new sprouts will grow out of these branches which intertwine with the other branches forming a thick, natural fence.

The trees grow tall and the landscape is lush and green, especially during the dripping wet rainy season. My sister, upon arriving in Indonesia for the first time on a visit, gawked at all the greenery surrounding her, which stretched upwards to the heavens and marveled, “Man, this place is like nature on steroids.”

Jesus, very familiar with farming, once told a story to spiritually illustrate how important welcoming soil is to growing seed. The story is only parable that shows up in all three Synoptic Gospels and here it is quoted in Luke chapter eight:

“The sower went out to sow his seed; and as he sowed, some fell beside the road, and it was trampled under foot and the birds of the air ate it up. Other seed fell on rocky soil, and as soon as it grew up, it withered away, because it had no moisture. Other seed fell among the thorns; and the thorns grew up with it and choked it out. Other seed fell into the good soil, and grew up, and produced a crop a hundred times as great.”[i]

The only variable in this story is the soil, and there are four types. The cool thing is we get to choose which kind of soil we will be. “The seed,” Jesus explained later to his confused disciples, “is the word of God.”[ii] It remains the same, powerful and constant, and will grow in any soil that will welcome it.

How is your soil today? Crusty, tough and dry? Open and inviting? If your soil is choked with the thorns of the “worries and riches and pleasures of this life,"[iii] as Jesus called them, it’s up to you to remove them. Get your soil in the drenching rain of His presence and let His words root deep into your heart. Your life will become more fertile than the soil of Java and will produce even a greater yield.

Lord, make the soil of my heart soft for You again. Please help me remove all the rocks and thorns that have covered it over for so long. Drench it with the rain of Your sweet mercy and let your Word go deep into the hidden places of my heart. Thank You that You make all things new. Make me new today Lord Jesus.

[i] Luke 8:5-8, NASB

[ii] Luke 8:11, NASB

[iii] Luke 8:14, NASB

Life Begins in the Second Quadrant

December 15, 2011 | by Mike O'Quin | Podcast | No Comments

Some are chained to the 1st quadrant. Others are mired in the 3rd and 4th quadrants. But the most effective people discover life in the 2nd quadrant. Paul Richardson and Mike O'Quin talk about thinking strategically, reflecting with purpose, nurturing self awareness, and advancing with vision beyond our typical New Year's resolutions. 2012 can be your best year ever. Find out how by listening to this short podast.

Click below to hear this conversation or search for "Faith Activators" on the iTunes store.

Ramping Up for a Great New Year

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Resting Well

December 9, 2011 | by Mike O'Quin | Podcast | 3 Comments

The writer of Hebrews encourages us to "be diligent to enter that rest" (Hebrews 4:11). In this audio podcast Paul Richardson and Mike O'Quin discuss that paradox and why it's so important for our frenzied souls to find some real rest, especially before and after seasons of advance. God has a sane rhythm of life for us and we can learn how to savor each season.

Click below to listen to this free podcast or you can subscribe to these conversations by searching for "Faith Activators" in the iTunes store.

Resting Well

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Honor Your Adversary

November 20, 2011 | by Mike O'Quin | Articles, Mike | No Comments

Honor is an affirmation that who someone is and what he contributes is valuable. Honor is not something that can be selfishly grabbed…it is bestowed. There is no such thing as self-honor. Honor is a choice, an act of the will given to someone else to recognize his or her valuable identity and contribution.

It’s easy to offer that honor to others when we feel good about them and about ourselves, maybe on a special occasion like a birthday, an awards banquet, or just strolling along enjoying a sunny day together.

But we know that’s not where we live most of the time. In the day-to-day grind, honor is tested when we have conflict with the valuable people in our lives, the very people we love and yet who sometime drive us nuts. How do you treat someone when they are blocking your goals? I had some conflict recently with a couple of people I love dearly. One was done well and one was done poorly. The difference was simply that in the first one I honored the person I was having conflict with, and in the second one I didn’t.

Psychologist James Coleman, studying unhealthy conflict way back in 1957, wrote about the way the pattern of escalation moves from the “the specific to the general.”[i] Instead of discussing the matter at hand, you hurl words at your opponent like “never” and “always.”

Researching marriage relationships for over 20 years, Drs. Howard Markman and Scott Stanley have identified four “relational germs” that destroy relationships (adapted from their book, “Fighting for Your Marriage”)[ii]:

1. Withdrawal during an argument

“I'm not talking about that any more, it's too hurtful.”

“I'll just leave the house if you continue talking about this. End of discussion; it's over.”

2. Escalating during an argument

“It's your fault that he talks to me like that, you're a great example!”

“Forget it then. Go out with your friends, see if I care! Stay out all night, you like them better than me anyway.”

3. Belittling each other during an argument

“That's the dumbest statement I have ever heard.”

“When will you ever get it right?”

4. Having exaggerated or false beliefs about your mate during an argument

"You don't see it do you? You're too negative and it's driving me away!"

"You say you're sorry, but you keep doing the same mean things over and over. You'll never change!"

All of these four relational germs are germinated in an attitude of dishonor. In Malcolm Gladwell’s fascinating book "Blink," he tells the story of John Gottman of the University of Washington who since the 1980’s has brought thousands of couples into his “love lab” and analyzed them while they had conflict. Over time he has become incredibly accurate at predicting if their relationship would end in divorce or not. In fact, he only needs to watch one 15-minute video clip of their interaction and can predict within 90% accuracy if they will be together in 15 years. Over time he honed that down to just three minutes of observation with still impressive accuracy, and now says he can overhear a couple an arguing in a restaurant and tell if they are doomed or not.

How does he do it? He doesn’t need to read the data from all the devices hooked up to the couples in his love lab. He only has to watch for one trait emerging in their conflict: contempt.

“You would think criticism would be the worst,” Gottman explained in an interview with Gladwell, “Yet contempt is qualitatively different from criticism. With criticism I might say to my wife, ‘You never listen, you are really selfish and insensitive.’ Well, she’s going to respond defensively to that. That’s not very good for our problem solving and interaction. But if I speak from a superior plane, that’s far more damaging, and contempt is any statement made from a higher level.”[iii]

Our conflict with those we love can easily go from bad to worse: through all four relational germs on down to the basement of contempt which of course is the most fraught with hazard. But what if we did the very opposite, took the higher ground before engaging in battle and verbalized to our opponent, “You are very important to me and I want to work this out!” What if we climbed up from the basement of contempt and had our conflict with those we love on the rooftop of honor?

In a previous post I’ve written about using a technique someone called the "Grace Sandwich” when you need to bring up something that has a high potential to deteriorate into unhealthy conflict. Before you get into the “meat” of the offence, you offer a slice of the bread of affirmation first: “I really love and value you and I want to bring up something that I think is hurting our friendship….” Then you get into the sensitive issue, and afterwards you follow-up with another slice of affirmation: “I’m so glad we were able to talk about this because I love you and I value our relationship. Thanks so much for hearing me out.”

Gary Smalley has written a whole book on this subject of how to engage in healthy conflict which I would highly recommend: “Secrets to Lasting Love: Uncovering the Keys to Life-Long Intimacy.”[iv] The entire book is basically a treatise on how to honor your spouse with lots of research and years of experience to back it up. The whole foundation of that book is that honor is a choice.

Honor in conflict has been extensively researched but is actually not a new idea. Take a peek inside the New Testament. The Apostle Paul wrote, “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.”[v] And Jesus is our ultimate example, the one who though He had every right to treat others with contempt from His superior plane as the Son of God. Yet He humbled himself and came to honor us from the lower place of a servant. If we are following Jesus, then we are bound to follow Paul’s admonition, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.”[vi]

You are important! In fact, you are more important than me! I choose to honor you today (even though you have been driving me crazy). Forgive me for my harsh words. I love you and I want to work this out!

Choose to honor you adversary today.

Related Posts

This is the final article of a four-part series on honor. Previous posts:

Honor Part One: Preamble

Honor Part Two: Our Hearts’ Insatiable Appetite for Honor

Honor Part Three: Slowing Down to Honor Others

[i] James Coleman, “Community Conflict,” New York: Free Press, 1957.

[ii] http://www.growthtrac.com/artman/publish/the-four-relational-germs-736.php

[iii] Malcolm Gladwell, “Blink: the power of thinking without thinking,” Little, Brown and Company, 2005, pp 32-33

[iv] Gary Smalley and Norma Trust, “Secrets to lasting love: uncovering the keys to life-long intimacy,” Simon & Schuster, 2000

[v] Romans 12:10

[vi] Philippians 2:3

Glorious Whoa

October 27, 2011 | by Mike O'Quin | Articles, Mike | 2 Comments

I’m attending some meetings in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia this week and while here I had a chance to visit K.L.’s most famous landmark, the gloriously tall Petronas Towers.

It brought back a memory from a few years ago when on the way to an international conference, our family and some teammates had 20 hours of transit time in this diverse city of Indian, Malaysian and Chinese cultures. We had just enough time to catch some sleep at a hotel near the airport, go into town for a meal, and get back to the airport in time to catch our flight.

The meal part excited me the most, because it was going to be a Tex-Mex meal, something that Texans living in Southeast Asia long for with all their Lone Star hearts. It had been at least two years since we had set foot inside a Mexican restaurant, and right smack dab in the middle of this sprawling Asian Metropolis rests an oasis of chips, salsa and fajitas: Chili’s Restaurant.

We were willing to splurge for the heavy taxi fare to get into town from the far-away airport and feeling pretty giddy en route. Ahead in the night light we could make out the city lights of K.L., and rising above them stood the gleaming Petronas Towers, which used to be the largest man-made structure in the world. The Chili’s is located in a large mall under those gargantuan sentries, which shone as a lighthouse of hope for our empty bellies that evening.

Before we entered the mall, my small children and I gaped at the Petronas Towers mega structure from the outside. They dominate the skyline at 1,483 feet, 88 stories of sheer bright height. I had seen pictures of these famous towers, of course, but standing next to these impossibly tall buildings took my breath away. I was stunned. I just couldn’t imagine anything man-made being so very…tall. Tall is a pathetic understatement. Bathed in bright light, these towers looked to reach all the way to heaven, like some kind of angelic Jacob’s ladder.

I invited my kids to lie down at the plaza in front of the towers and to look up and marvel with me. My embarrassed teammates with us that evening ducked out of sight under a portico as Malaysians walking through the plaza glanced at the strange family on the ground gawking unashamedly at their iconic emblem.

As I gazed upwards, something in my spirit stirred and I just had to shout out. I spontaneously lifted my hands and exclaimed loudly, “I glorify you, Petronas Towers!”

“Daaaaad,” my children on both sides of me whined their protest, as if I just uttered some Christian blasphemy in this conservative Muslim nation.

I said it again, louder, to make my point. “I GLORIFY YOU PETRONAS TOWERS!”

They protested again. “You can’t say that!” my daughter demanded, defending her 8-year-old theology.

Was my utterance that evening unabashed idol worship or something wholly and Biblically correct?

The sense of glory is experiencing something so amazing and humility-producing that you gape open your mouth and utter, “Whoa.” Then the only natural response is to turn to the guy next to you and say, “Do you see this? … Whoa.”

A New Testament dictionary, a little bit antiseptically, defines glory as “always a good opinion concerning one, resulting in praise, honor and glory.” Maybe when you hear the word glory you think of something stale and religious, stained glass window other-worldly chubby angelic kind of stuff. But true glory is worth getting excited about from the deepest place of you heart.

The Petronas Towers took my breath away that night, making me even forget my longing for fajitas (temporarily). After I caught my breath again, I had to exclaim my “good opinion” regarding it to the people next to me. I felt compelled to glorify those shiny beacons of light. I explained the theological semantics to the kids and they seemed to feel a little better. After that wonderful yet awkward experience we woofed down a lot of chips and salsa and my kids delighted in free Coke refills (something unheard of in Asia). A truly glorious evening.

When Jesus takes your breath away, when you really experience Him, like in those moments in worship when you are carried away to the very courts of heaven, something deep inside you wants to scream out: This one is worth knowing! I would gladly lay my life down for this King! Jesus you are everything to me!

Look up to heaven today, past the tallest man-made tower you could ever imagine. Connect with Jesus at a deep heart level, enough for Him to take your breath away. His Glory will call out to yours.

Whoa.

The Altitude of Gratitude

October 16, 2011 | by Mike O'Quin | Podcast | 2 Comments

Want to know the secret of happiness….right here, right now? In this audio podcast, Paul Richardson and Mike O'Quin have a fun discussion about how to exercise our gratitude muscles to get to new place of perspective in life.

Click below to hear this discussion or subscribe to this free podcast by searching for "Faith Activators" on the iTunes Store.

Altitude of Gratitude

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Honor – Part Three

September 29, 2011 | by Mike O'Quin | Articles, Christian Life, Mike | No Comments

Recently I was trying to wedge my motorcycle into the tight bike parking area of our local grocery store’s parking lot. There was a tree one one side, a car on the other, and in the middle an older lady trying to get on back of a motorcycle which her daughter was driving. Before she could get on she was struggling to get all the grocery bags strapped to the bike and all around her, and it was taking a while before they could get it all saddled up and take off. The parking lot attendant was trying to help them.

It was a busy day. I was coming from one appointment and already late for another meeting. I was planning to swing by the store, grab a few things, and be on my merry fast-paced way again.

But here I was being forced to wait. So I did what you would have done. I revved up my motorcycle a couple of times so they could get the hint. Vroom Vroom. Hurry Up. The mother-daughter duo glanced up at me anxiously, now even more frantic to take off, and made their way from the parking lot into the busy street.

Actually I realize that’s not what you would have done. You would have smiled at them and waited patiently. But that’s not what I did. My soul was in too high of a gear to consider anybody or anything else but me, myself and my to-do list.

Honoring others requires that you down-shift your soul enough to value the person standing in front of you (or sitting on her motorcycle). Honor is a recognition that who they are and what they contribute is valuable.

A Type-A personality friend of mine joked once that he sometimes treats fellow humanoids as “these things with eyes that get in my way.” Honor is the opposite of that. I like the way Gary Smalley succinctly defines it: "Honor is a way of accurately seeing the immense value of a person made in God's image.”[i]

Woah! That person that you will interact with today—spouse, child, parent, co-worker, boss, friend, neighbor, or stranger—every single one of them is made in God’s wonderful image. Will you honor them as such? Will you treat them as immensely valuable, important enough to slow down for?

Paul wrote, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.”[i] He dares give us this difficult mandate because we are following Jesus, “who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant…”[ii]

In other words, if anyone had the right to act hurried and important, it was Jesus. Though He was in the very nature God, He didn’t throw his Son of God weight around but came to serve as a simple servant. We can too because He did.

Slow down and honor somebody today. Marvel at them as an image bearer of God. Smile at them and wait patiently.

[i] Gary Smalley, “I Promise: How 5 Essential Commitments Determine the Destiny of Your Marriage,” Thomas Nelson, 2006

[ii] Philippians 2:3, NASB

[iii] Philippians 2:6-7, NASB

Related Posts:

Honor Part One

Honor Part Two

No Kingless Kingdom

The 4/14 Window

September 19, 2011 | by Mike O'Quin | Podcast | No Comments

In this audio podcast, friends Paul Richardson and MJ Perry talk about an innovative and dynamic conference they attended in Singapore recently which focused on how to reach, resource and release the "4/14 Window." This is a phrase coined by Louis Bush, best explained in the movement's website:

"The 4/14 Window refers to the demographic group from age four to fourteen years old, which is the most open and receptive to every form of spiritual and developmental input. God is calling us to a new missional focus: the 4/14 Window golden age of opportunity to transform the world. God is calling us to radically change the way we view children and to respond to their strategic importance and rightful place in His Kingdom. This often ignored and suffering people group can be transformed into a precious window of opportunity. In God's hands, this enormous and largely ignored people group can become agents of transformational mission under the headship of Jesus Christ."

MJ leads a team of graphic artists that made a stirring video for this international conference. Click here to watch.

To learn more about MJ's ministry to bring discipleship and education to the ends of the earth, and how you can be involved or support it, see his website or contact him directly.

Click here to listen to the podcast: The 4/14 Window Podcast, or find us on iTunes by searching for "Faith Activators."

Thanks for listening and may God stir you with His heart for children.

Please comment by clicking "comments" above or the comment box may appear below. We would love to hear how God is stirring you too!

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Honor – Part Two

September 15, 2011 | by Mike O'Quin | Articles, Mike | 4 Comments

In my last blog post I confessed that there have been times in my life, okay more than a few times, where I have wanted positive feedback for something I’ve done say like preach a sermon. “Hey great sermon!” Oh no, no, no, I give all the glory to God but yes, yes, yes, tell me more.

The dumb question here is who doesn’t? All of us desire recognition, from a small pat on the back for a job well done all the way to the full blown awards ceremony for a great feat. You woke up early, trained, competed hard, and now you’re being presented with a medal…it was all worth it. The applause you hear now on that platform you heard in your imagination long before you hit the finish line. In fact it gave you the gumption to keep going.

In the next couple of blog posts I want to look at what it looks like to honor one another, how to cultivate a “culture of honor” in our communities. But before we can offer honor to others we have to deal with our own hearts first. What do we do with our deep-seated desire for honor that makes us feel sometimes like a mixed bag of motives? Serving God and others with one eye on the mirror…how am I coming across here? Am I being recognized for my contribution?

All of us want to feel valuable, that what we bring to the table matters, that we are impacting the world somehow. There’s nothing wrong with that…is there? I put this question, “Is my desire to be honored carnal or legit?” to our alert blog readers and here are some responses:

“I guess the easiest way to answer that question is with another. Were you seeking to hear it for your own glory or were you looking to find joy in knowing that God was glorified through you?” – Tim Stewart

“We are bondservants that are supposed to honor the Father and the Son (John 5:23 and John 12:25-26). We are to totally surrender (die) ourselves and serve Him wholeheartedly and then if He chooses, the Father will honor us. Why seek the applause of just people when our Creator, Loving, Almighty God wants to honor us. Why eat white rice when New Zealand Steak and Sate is an option?” – Anonymous (but I bet it was someone from New Zealand)

“We all want and need affirmation at some level. From God, but also from people we know. The problem is when this becomes driving motivation in what we do.” – Blake McDaniel

“…If EGO is Edging God Out you do have a problem…” – Vernon Lock.

Well put. Well said. Jesus seemed to have harsh words for the religious higher-ups who loved the “place of honor”:

“Everything they do is done for men to see: They make their phylacteries wide and the tassels on their garments long; they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; they love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have men call them ‘Rabbi.'”[i]

Let’s dig into this a little deeper. The key statement here is that their sole motivation for service was for “men to see.” Jesus is definitely blasting away at their corrupt motivation, but I don’t think He is going as far as to indict the base desire we all have to receive honor. That need in your heart to feel honored is not going away anytime soon. The question is what do we do with that valid desire? If we angle ourselves to get into the seat of honor, Jesus said watch out:

“When someone invites you to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for a person more distinguished than you may have been invited. If so, the host who invited both of you will come and say to you, 'Give this man your seat.' Then, humiliated, you will have to take the least important place. But when you are invited, take the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he will say to you, 'Friend, move up to a better place.' Then you will be honored in the presence of all your fellow guests.”[ii]

The way you go about meeting that valid need for honor is by humbling yourself. The desire for honor is kind of like the desire for intimacy. A desire to have a deep connection with another human being is not wrong; it’s what you do with it that counts. If you cross a boundary in the pursuit of intimacy then you will face humiliation instead of honor. In the same way, If you cross a boundary to claw your way to the place of honor, you will be humiliated.

Jesus once told His knuckle-headed disciples to stop arguing about which of them was the greatest (ya gotta love ‘em…so honest and transparent). He basically said, oh you want to be great? Here’s how to be great…learn to be a servant. He didn’t squash their desire for greatness; he lifted them up to a higher value:

When he was in the house, he asked them, “What were you arguing about on the road?”

(When an omniscient God asks you a question, they say, it’s not because He’s seeking information…)

But they kept quiet because on the way they had argued about who was the greatest.

(Little thought bubbles over their heads, “Uh oh, this is going to be embarrassing…”)

Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.”

(Then Jesus hammers home the point with a cute little kid):

He took a little child and had him stand among them. Taking him in his arms, he said to them, “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.” [iii]

Jesus shows us here the true pathway toward honor…it’s in honoring Him and others above ourselves. We don’t have to sweat it if we feel slighted because God sees our contribution. He is the one who does the ultimate honoring.

Orient your soul to heaven. Lord, You see me. It’s okay whether I’m famous or obscure. Not only do You see me, but Your smile is on me, and one day You will reward me for how I’m living my life. That’s enough for me.

I’ve written about the “Judgment Seat of Christ” in some previous posts, and I don’t have the room here to unpack it but here are some previous articles to highlight this long-neglected source of high-powered motivation: The Final Smile, Magnum Opus, Undercover Boss

How do we find freedom from our mixed bag of motives? Live your life for an audience of one. A pat on the back is nice here and there, but it ain’t nothing compared to the applause of heaven.

Next post….If God is generous in honoring me, than I can be generous in honoring others…stay tuned…

[i] Matthew 23:5-7

[ii] Luke 14:8-10

[iii] Mark 9:33-37

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Mike O’Quin…

How Curiosity Set the Cat Free

Soil on Steroids

Life Begins in the Second Quadrant

Resting Well

Honor Your Adversary

Glorious Whoa

The Altitude of Gratitude

Honor – Part Three

The 4/14 Window

Honor – Part Two

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